I have taught classrooms full of kidlets with 29 students( and sometimes more) before...but that is different...
That was for art...Art is the one thing i know how to do instinctively.
I can draw.
I can paint.
I can sculpt.
I can weave.
I can print.
I can sew....... etc.
And if i haven't done it before..I have no problem figuring it out.
I'm a maker...a creator...this is who and what i am...
(You will never hear me say this about anything else...ever...)
Yoga...on the other hand...while i love it....on some level...i have held it at arms length...and the teaching part...i have certainly tried to put it off as long as possible...
why?
Why would i go to school once a month for almost a year to get a certification...and then not jump in with both feet to actually use it?
fear....
Fear of screwing up in class, fear of looking foolish, fear of letting people down....
why? I have no idea...well, that's not really true...part of it is because for me yoga is not only a physical practice but, just like my art, a connection to the spirit....and to be honest, i'm not sure why i think of it on a different level than i do art...because in reality i hold them to the same esteem...
But, there were also a few other reasons i did not attempt to teach right away...
1.Being a SAHM, with no babysitter, or hope of a babysitter...means i work around the schedule of my family...the stars have to align just perfectly for me to be able to teach classes...the class has to be at a time when my husband can be with the kidlets or the gym has to have childcare...which is what happened...the stars aligned...and yes, i hear angels sing when it happened...
2. but mostly it was sheer terror....just the idea of teaching...after being out of teaching at all for so long or even being around people...yeah..terror...
3. judgement...i'm not exactly of the physique you will find on the cover of a yoga magazine...and i know that when people go to a group work out class or a gym...they expect perfection...that's not happening here...ever...just sayin'...
I was terrified all week before the class. I had gotten out of practice and this forced me to get back into it. I needed that nudge.
I practiced to my music, I watched the clock to make sure I was timing it correctly...I was breaking a sweat..I was waking up tired and sore and feeling very good...Saturday came, and I had to come to terms with my fear...and I decided that this was one of those times when I had to take the attitude that gets me through everything when I feel complete terror...
my goal for this adventure of teaching in public for the first time:
TO NOT DIE
I know...silly huh?
But i have to use this mindset so that i don't go into complete panic attack mode...to reset my mind and be fully present for everyone else. It is a total self preservation thing...kinda like being on a crashing airplane...mother's have to put their oxygen mask on first...so they can take care of the kidlets...survival is important...I didn't even tell close friend when i was teaching because i knew this would make me more nervous if they showed up...
I was asked " but how did your students fair?"....well, no one died...lol.. which is good, right? but seriously, .they were kind. The knew i was terrified, they were helpful with the music volume, a few told me "thank you", one came and asked me about the school i attended and said she was interested in attending as well, ...no it wasn't the ideal....but for my first time to teach...i feel like surviving was successful...and that next time will be old hat...this is how i have to approach it...
I have taught three classes since i started this post...yeah it takes me a while to finish sometimes...but each time i finish a class i feel more and more free...and i think of three or four poses I wish I had attempted in that class, and will do so next time...notes are being made...and i am excited now and not scared...I see potential of eventually being able to teach more classes in various venues more often...I am excited and breaking through my fears...
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