Thursday, February 24, 2011

Finding your art

I have and most likely always will, struggle with the type of artwork I should make....it is a daily emotional tug-of-war....seriously....

As a child, if found joy in drawing ball gowns...in middle school a papier mache mermaid was a high point in artistic development. In high school, dancers,circus scenes,models...then came college and I lost all confidence...like we do...

I began to question what I was doing...what was the point...and began digging deep for imagery..and struggled with it all emotionally..and it was so unpleasant to talk about my work in critique...

A few amazing things happened...

I started to understand shading .....
I fell inlove with printmaking, and drawing, ceramics, and sculpture...
And I started thinking about th creative influences I had had since childhood and wondering how I could use all of this knowledge.

Today, how many years later...I am drawing mermaids and fairies...playing...I am not struggling with "what are you trying to say" with this work....I am just making the work for the sake of making it...and it gives me joy....

Isn't it funny how sometimes,how the things that brought us joy in childhood,bring us joy today?

I may not get invited to show in an art gallery with this work...but I don't seem to be in that loop anyway...so, I might as well enjoy the work, if nothing else....

Drawings for all con


Our art is our conversation with the world

I have always been one who recharges by being alone....or in a quiet place... even now, when I spend my days with my baby...I am grateful for how calm and mellow she is...

I am indulging in art documentaries today....

And all of the artists talk about the importance of socializing...how we are prone to isolation...

I thin it is because our art is our conversation with the world.  Occasionally, I feel a bit stir crazy....like I just need to get out and breathe....that's it....just breathe...see a different scenery...

But,often,being in the general public is difficult...the world can seem so harsh and overwhelming...

I suspect alot of artists are like this...but, I have nothing to base this on,because I am busy hiding in my cave...and I figure others are as well...

I often, wonder where my tribe is? I am not interested in 'working the crowd' or climbing the society ladder....though,I know some people think that is the best way...'networking' they say....

I just want to know who my tribe is...ya know?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Everyday is a gift

So, I work at home. I feel blessed to be able to do so. Iget to share my day with my baby and our old dog. Those two,alone, are a fulltime job. Between feedings,changing diapers, and letting the dog in and out...which can be ten times before 8 a.m....the day is full already...then, there is my artwork...which, I am starting to get on schedule with....but only after allowing myself to not feel guilty about being a sahm...once I started całling myself a wahm..things changed...

Everyday is a gift to me...for years, I wanted to do this...

For years, I spent my days doing what had to be done...which meant,teaching, in order to take care of me and mine. And having said that, I will do it again if the need or opportunity Arises. But, I gradually began to feel that I was spending my days teaching others to do what I wish I had time to do myself...this was becoming a looping thought. And it was wearing me down, spiritually, and artisticly...I was burned out...

So, when I have days, like yesterday. Days where baby is testing her lungs and the dog is testing my patience and stamina....I just think...

How lucky am I?  Iam so lucky...because, today...I got to be home with my child and hear her scream and know that she is just fine,instead of having her stuck in some daycare with people who don't really know her and I would not know her either or get to help her through her day....

And then, I get to create....for the love of creating...and not because someone needs me to show themor coax them into making something because art is required to graduate.

I do feel a sense of urgency to be productive and sell work to help my family...but I feel lucky that I am getting to do so by making art.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Schedule and routine thus far...subject to change

M-f....
7:00 get up, get kiddos up, get ready for the day
7:15 cook breakfast and eat with kids
7:40 drop kiddo off at school
7:41 start day..get baby settled,get computer issues settled,listen to radio,check etsy,make list for the day
8:30 start projects
11:00 lunch for me and baby
11:20 work a little more while baby plays in the stduio right beside me
2:00 gear down and get ready to get kiddo
I spend time in the carpool line either knitting or checking email and facebook...

So it looks like my actual work day is between 8 & 2...with breaks and such for diaper changes, baby naps and play time,and meals...lol

It looks like my relax time is on the weekend like everyone else...for now...at least until I start attending art shows again....


Regular schedule

So, for the last few weeks, ihave been working,almost daily in the studio...it has been wonderful.

This my first year (school year) in 8 Years to not be teaching art in public school. Why? Well, the universe has a way of making things happen...basicly, I had a baby....and that event, has changed my world...like babies do...

My baby is 6 months old now, and despite trying,from the moment she was born and even before...I did not feel physically or mentally grounded enough to focus on being a fulltime artist...

Now, things seem to be getting aligned again for me....

In the last six months I have had to come to terms with a few things to get to this point...this point where I feel resolute in my current state of being...

1.sleep deprivation
2. Other physical issues because I am an older mom
3. Adjusting to a mass amount of changes inour entire family..new school, new job, new schedules, new routines, new family roles for all of us...

4. Feeling extreme amounts of guilt for not going back to work and bringing in a regular paycheck...

5.and allowing myself to actually just make stuff because it makes me happy...for a change...

And now, I am here...two weeks into developing a regular studio schedule that is conducive to amking art and spending time with my family......

That is fortunate....I know this....

Thursday, February 17, 2011

How i was organized before...

Being organized is the only way I can manage.... when I get overwhelmed, I find that I absolutely have to have lists,calenders and supplies together, so I can deal with the rest of the chaos. When I was teaching....iused a lesson planner...not so much to plan each step of the lesson, but mostly to stay on top of when we did what and when important test dates would be popping up to screew up our projects....

So, now that iam a WAHM....I am finding that all that training and stuff I did before,just might be useful now....today I busted out an old lesson planner, a wall calender,a highlighter and a sharpie and started getting my act together a little...just a little..




Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Gauges

So, ya know...I løok at other blogs ...other artists ...and I keep trying to gauge my own work and abilities against theirs....

This can be good and bad....

On some level...it pushes me forward, to work harder..to try and prove to myself that I actually can do what I have always wantrd to do...what I was born to do....

On another level, it makes me feel like crap...

Then I see just how little I have done with my artwork...and I struggle to not feel like a loser...

Then, there are those that,at least in the virtual world, are very successful...they have created a buzz for themselves...they are very comfortable talking a out their work and sharing with the worl all of their greatness...and I think,crap....I gotta get better about that...


Monday, February 14, 2011

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Soaking up the sun

The sky has been big and beautiful this weekend...finally

When it is like this, I have to get out in it...enjoy it while I can.

It is perfect for drawing...







Saturday, February 12, 2011

Gone hunting

I grew up in a household that holds hunting sacred. Social events were decided based upon dear season. I hated it. 1. Because I was a 'girl' and not included...and 2. Because it meant that our family property was off limits to me because I might get shot.
however, I have always secretly suspected that mydad really just used this time to catch up on reading his mad magazines and meditating on life...because he rarely came home with anything...

Sometimes, like today, when the sun is out...it isn't cold...and we just spent two weeks dealing with snowpocoplypse 2011... I wish I had my own. Version of hunting season...just for me...and just for art...

It would include the following:
A set secluded, quiet location..
Ault beverages
A quiet place to sit outside
And art supplies....

And would have a regularly scheduled " season"....

I think I might look into this....I wonder if I can get away with it?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

In love with colour

I'm playing with my phone still. How did I make it this long without it? How come I haven't noticed more art generated by smartphones? 


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