Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
nothing new under the sun
Are you stuck in a creative rut? This is an idea I have been mulling around for a very long time... (well pretty much everyday for a few months...and occasionally for a few years....) I have talked about it. I have written a little about it.There has been a bit of doodling about it. It has been meditated on. I foresee future mullings on the subject as well.
What it, the idea that there is 'nothing new under the sun' comes down to, really, is freedom....as an artist...to simply create....
What a concept.....to feel the freedom to create without fear, anxiety or concern about judgement or ridicule...
There have been times...especially in the last few years...when I have struggled with what to do with myself...on a personal level..and on an artistic level....
the frantic thoughtfest:
"If i do this or that, will i be considered original?"
"Will someone assume i'm copying their style or technique?"
"If i add this color , will someone freak out and scream FOUL because it is their signature color" ...etc.etc.etc..blah blah blah...
This kind of thinking, does nothing for your ability to create....except stop you in your steps...and in the end you have nothing but this huge, frustrating, internal dialogue, that does nothing but squelch your creative voice....
The words that ring true in my head...the loudest...that set me free...creatively....
"there is nothing new under the sun...."
I don't need to worry about all of that other mumbo jumbo because:
1. i'm not trying to copy a style...
2. My own aesthetic will come through, even if i'm using the same techinique
3. Anyone who claims they came up with something first, is probably full of it...because
In conclusion...there are just people who are faster than others to tap into the latest meme....or, touch the chord that needs to be touched at that moment...that's all...
-there are creative ebbs and flows...just like everything else in life...things come and go...and it is this understanding, that set you free artisticly....
you deserve to allow yourself to create.....
What it, the idea that there is 'nothing new under the sun' comes down to, really, is freedom....as an artist...to simply create....
What a concept.....to feel the freedom to create without fear, anxiety or concern about judgement or ridicule...There have been times...especially in the last few years...when I have struggled with what to do with myself...on a personal level..and on an artistic level....
- i have tried to create things i thought others might like...
- i have tried to create things i thought might sell
- i have tried to create things i thought mentors would approve
- i have tried to create things i thought viewers might want to see more of in a gallery setting or show...
the frantic thoughtfest:
"If i do this or that, will i be considered original?"
"Will someone assume i'm copying their style or technique?"
"If i add this color , will someone freak out and scream FOUL because it is their signature color" ...etc.etc.etc..blah blah blah...
This kind of thinking, does nothing for your ability to create....except stop you in your steps...and in the end you have nothing but this huge, frustrating, internal dialogue, that does nothing but squelch your creative voice....
The words that ring true in my head...the loudest...that set me free...creatively....
"there is nothing new under the sun...."
I don't need to worry about all of that other mumbo jumbo because:
1. i'm not trying to copy a style...
2. My own aesthetic will come through, even if i'm using the same techinique
3. Anyone who claims they came up with something first, is probably full of it...because
4. THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN....
In conclusion...there are just people who are faster than others to tap into the latest meme....or, touch the chord that needs to be touched at that moment...that's all...
-there are creative ebbs and flows...just like everything else in life...things come and go...and it is this understanding, that set you free artisticly....
you deserve to allow yourself to create.....
Monday, February 20, 2012
What have I been up to?
well, i have not been making artwork....
Since September, i have not felt compelled to make any sort of artwork at all....for a bit, it was confusing as to why...but in the end, what it has been about it taking some time for myself to feel at peace with what i want to do....
It has taken me this long to deal with the inner dialogue that i have had in my head...and by "this long"...i mean, 18 months....that is how long it has been since my daughter was born...and that is how long it has been since i have not been the main 'breadwinner' for my family...(my amazing husband works so hard to make this possible)...but after spending several years...at least 9...when my son was born...of feeling like i had to be the one everyone depended on to take care of every single need that may arise...which lead me into becoming a teacher...and now to no longer be a public school teacher whose life is directed by a school calender and that entails...it has been a HUGE adjustment these last 18 months....
- things that i have had to work through as a SAHM in the last 18 months:
guilt: when you have been on a mission to be the main support for everyone for so long, it is a huge adjustment to simply be a SAHM...don't get me wrong...being a SAHM is not simple, at all...especially with my spirited lil one...(who is currently supposed to be napping, and is in fact very tired, but hears her brother and wants to talk to him...and by talk..i mean, squeal and laugh....) but, for a long time i felt really guilty, that i wasn't contributing to our family monetarily, and that my hubs was working so hard so we didn't/don't have to put lil girl in daycare...this was our plan, we both agreed this was the plan...but it was still hard...it has gotten better...and i think i have finally accepted that it is ok if i am actually happy...but, living in a constant state of anxiety ( in years past stemming from when i was a single mom) can work a number on your system and your way of thinking...it is hard to believe that you are safe...or that everything doesn't have to hinge on your every move...it can be difficult to allow yourself to breathe...
self concept: who am i now?...like i said, up until 18 months ago, i was Mom, Public School Art Teacher, Wife, and a bunch of other stuff... once my lil one was born...i became...SAHM.....which is fine...and hard work...but i had no idea how to enjoy it....most people say, "must be nice" when i tell them i'm a stay-at hom- mom....they have no idea...some days, my stress level is just as high as it was when i was teaching...(which was often prety freakin' high) but, i am leaning to enjoy it now...it is a choice...
Now, I am also doing things for myself...(which my amazing husband almost demands i do...as in...something for myself...because, it makes me a better mother/person/wife)...In the last year i started taking yoga and am training toward my yoga teacher certification...(and i'm considering sharing that blog with you soon)...on those weekends when i get to go to yoga, i feel that i come away as a better person, which is better for me and my family...i also started learning how to roller skate and joined a local roller derby rec league...i'm no derby queen, yet...but i'm working on my skills and my goal is to eventually pass minimum skills assessment...
right now, this is who i am...
SAHM, Yogini, Roller Derby Wannabe and Artist
All of these things have helped me take inventory of my life, get a little more perspective...and inspire me in ways i never expected...and they make me a better person.
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fear: what if we don't have enough and it is my fault since i'm not working 9-5?
is it really ok to simply be?
Let me just say something right now...
Fear is a killer.. and squelches life...living in a constant state of fear will break you down physically and mentally, and it is no way to live....
I've finally gotten to a place, with the great reassurance of my husband, that it is perfectly ok, for me to simply "be".....I've never had this reassurance before....never...there always seemed to be someone or something to please or live up to...and it is only in the last 18 months that, i have been able to accept this...
the phrase " you are the creator of your life...the destiny you set is your own...and there is no one that can or will judge you for it..."...and i wish i could tell you where i heard this...but, understanding this has helped me a great deal as well...
So,here is is, nearly the end of February...haven't made any new artwork...and i'm ok with that...i made my resolution for the year...i'm sticking to it...i re-opened my etsy store...and this time, i am only putting in artwork, and making artwork, that stands up to my goals and standards....i learned a great deal ..now to move forward...always forward...and if you are interested in original artwork, that is meant to inspire, give hope, and peace...please check out my etsy store or send me a message for commission work.... namaste
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
taking time to be in the moment
The following pics are from the National Boy Scout Museum in Irving Texas. They are very bad pics, in that, i took them with my camera phone and when i try to upload then here, i am unable to edit them (which i will figure out for future reference) and they are pixelated...and dark...because i turned my flash off and have not figured out a solution...everything is a work in progress....but, such that they are...i wanted to go ahead and share them because they took my breathe away...
These are hand made paper, pages, which are adorned with watercolor and ink drawings and then hand written passages of the journies of America's first Boy Scout, "Uncle Dan"....and you can find out more information about him at the following link...http://hoac-bsa.org/news/campingandprogramnews.aspx
I went o the museum last weekend with my son where he attended a geology workshop and then we toured the museum. We saw original paintings by Norman Rockwell and then we saw collections and exhibits about the Boy Scouts...It was awe inspiring...and made me feel very good about our family's decision to make Scouting a part of all of our lives....to make sure our son was able to do as much as possible with Scouts...but, this story is really about the artwork i saw....lol
(let's get back to ME mmm- KKK?) lol
I am a sucker for other people's artwork....observing the brush strokes of all of the paitings, knowing that someone actually stretched canvases, made paper, used real brushes, inks, and sat for moments on end, hours...to create these things...made me a little teary eyed....my son saw this...and it insighted a moment that i am glad i was able to share with him...
"are you crying, mom?"
" a little bit"
" why? are you ok?"
" i'm good...it's just a little overwhelming being in this room filled with this work..."
" what do you mean?"
" well, for me, being surrounded by artwork...real artwork...or anything creative...well, it's like going to church....it feels like it is the closest thing to God to me...because those people were in the moment...creating...sharing beauty, finding their moment....when you look at these paintings, you see each and every brush stroke...it's real...and it's amazing...and not everyone gets to do that.... and it's overwhelming...."
he was quiet for a bit....and he hugged me, put his head on my shoulder and said,
" I love you, Mom...."
There are moments, in our lives....too many moments...sometimes..when, well, in my life, when i forget to be present....i forget to breathe...i forget to allow myself to sit down and paint.....just paint....for example...right now...my daughter sleeps...i could be painting my first painting of the year,but this has been on my mind for days, and i needed to get this out first....
i look at these watercolors, and i am inspired....inspired by the simplicity, the details, the use of simple supplies, the limitation of the supplies, the quality of the supplies, the dedication of the artist to make time to create....and all i can think is..."no one does that....no one i know does this...it just seems like the world is just too busy and bored and not PRESENT"....
and i think...THIS...this is what i want to do...
to simplify....to be present....
to create....
to breathe
These are hand made paper, pages, which are adorned with watercolor and ink drawings and then hand written passages of the journies of America's first Boy Scout, "Uncle Dan"....and you can find out more information about him at the following link...http://hoac-bsa.org/news/campingandprogramnews.aspx
I went o the museum last weekend with my son where he attended a geology workshop and then we toured the museum. We saw original paintings by Norman Rockwell and then we saw collections and exhibits about the Boy Scouts...It was awe inspiring...and made me feel very good about our family's decision to make Scouting a part of all of our lives....to make sure our son was able to do as much as possible with Scouts...but, this story is really about the artwork i saw....lol
(let's get back to ME mmm- KKK?) lol
I am a sucker for other people's artwork....observing the brush strokes of all of the paitings, knowing that someone actually stretched canvases, made paper, used real brushes, inks, and sat for moments on end, hours...to create these things...made me a little teary eyed....my son saw this...and it insighted a moment that i am glad i was able to share with him...
"are you crying, mom?"
" a little bit"
" why? are you ok?"
" i'm good...it's just a little overwhelming being in this room filled with this work..."
" what do you mean?"
" well, for me, being surrounded by artwork...real artwork...or anything creative...well, it's like going to church....it feels like it is the closest thing to God to me...because those people were in the moment...creating...sharing beauty, finding their moment....when you look at these paintings, you see each and every brush stroke...it's real...and it's amazing...and not everyone gets to do that.... and it's overwhelming...."
he was quiet for a bit....and he hugged me, put his head on my shoulder and said,
" I love you, Mom...."
There are moments, in our lives....too many moments...sometimes..when, well, in my life, when i forget to be present....i forget to breathe...i forget to allow myself to sit down and paint.....just paint....for example...right now...my daughter sleeps...i could be painting my first painting of the year,but this has been on my mind for days, and i needed to get this out first....
i look at these watercolors, and i am inspired....inspired by the simplicity, the details, the use of simple supplies, the limitation of the supplies, the quality of the supplies, the dedication of the artist to make time to create....and all i can think is..."no one does that....no one i know does this...it just seems like the world is just too busy and bored and not PRESENT"....
and i think...THIS...this is what i want to do...
to simplify....to be present....
to create....
to breathe
Monday, January 2, 2012
Art Resolutions for 2012
1. To be more sincere in my artwork.
what does that even mean? for me, it means, making work that i feel connected with and to. Artwork that has meaning other than to be something people can look at and say "that's pretty". i want people to think...to actually think...I realize that in this day and age where everyone is more and more bombarded with social media,and our kids are growing up to be overwhelmed by the world of immediacy, creating something that causes people to pause...might be a difficult sell...but, i'm willing to take that chance...this is something feel very passionate about....I feel that instant gratification is a plague on our society...i'm not willing to play into that anymore...i want people to think...to think deeply...and to think richly...to ponder, to breathe...and meditate...to mull over...to feel calm...and to build new synapses....to feel peace...and to actually use that grey squishy stuff between their ears for something other than how to level-up....
2. i want my artwork to be a place of meditation....for me as the artist....and for the viewer... it is only recently that i have started to really study meditation...and only recently that my understanding of its' purpose and what it is have come to light for me...and i feel at peace with the idea that my work can also reflect this...
3.i would like to create higher quality work....in the past, i have felt such a desperate need to create, using anything i could get my hands on...so i would keep all kinds of stuff...almost to the point of hoarding art supplies just to have things on hand...i have found that it was because of my fear of never getting to create that i felt such a lack...and would accumulate anything to be used at a later date...that is over....i refuse to create inferior quality work anymore...it will be archival, it willbe high quality, or nothing at all...it will be particular...
4. my studio will be organized and kid friendly...i have two children...a brilliant ten year old and a spitfire tornado toddler...both a creative geniuses...the ten year old, is my contemplative soul...he took over my easel at two and often will sit and draw on his own...my toddler, never stops moving...and is the reason my studio is off limits right now...i had purged and organized my studio months ago when she started being able to move around freely...and in those months things have been moved...up...higher and higher...to the point where there is no surface to work on...and nothing is safe..ever..because she will get into it all...and it becomes a nightmare...this isn't how i want my studio to be...i want it to be simple, organized, kid friendly, and safe...for all of us...that will come with the next purging and simplification of the studio...
these are my art resolutions...they are simple...not very exciting...but, they are mine...and i am excited about them....
what does that even mean? for me, it means, making work that i feel connected with and to. Artwork that has meaning other than to be something people can look at and say "that's pretty". i want people to think...to actually think...I realize that in this day and age where everyone is more and more bombarded with social media,and our kids are growing up to be overwhelmed by the world of immediacy, creating something that causes people to pause...might be a difficult sell...but, i'm willing to take that chance...this is something feel very passionate about....I feel that instant gratification is a plague on our society...i'm not willing to play into that anymore...i want people to think...to think deeply...and to think richly...to ponder, to breathe...and meditate...to mull over...to feel calm...and to build new synapses....to feel peace...and to actually use that grey squishy stuff between their ears for something other than how to level-up....
2. i want my artwork to be a place of meditation....for me as the artist....and for the viewer... it is only recently that i have started to really study meditation...and only recently that my understanding of its' purpose and what it is have come to light for me...and i feel at peace with the idea that my work can also reflect this...
3.i would like to create higher quality work....in the past, i have felt such a desperate need to create, using anything i could get my hands on...so i would keep all kinds of stuff...almost to the point of hoarding art supplies just to have things on hand...i have found that it was because of my fear of never getting to create that i felt such a lack...and would accumulate anything to be used at a later date...that is over....i refuse to create inferior quality work anymore...it will be archival, it willbe high quality, or nothing at all...it will be particular...
4. my studio will be organized and kid friendly...i have two children...a brilliant ten year old and a spitfire tornado toddler...both a creative geniuses...the ten year old, is my contemplative soul...he took over my easel at two and often will sit and draw on his own...my toddler, never stops moving...and is the reason my studio is off limits right now...i had purged and organized my studio months ago when she started being able to move around freely...and in those months things have been moved...up...higher and higher...to the point where there is no surface to work on...and nothing is safe..ever..because she will get into it all...and it becomes a nightmare...this isn't how i want my studio to be...i want it to be simple, organized, kid friendly, and safe...for all of us...that will come with the next purging and simplification of the studio...
these are my art resolutions...they are simple...not very exciting...but, they are mine...and i am excited about them....
Conclusions for 2011
so, like i said before, i needed sometime to regroup...reflect of 2011...artistic goals...abilities...the quality of my work...where i want my work to go...what exactly i would like to accomplish...etc...
Conclusions on 2011:
1. i don't like my work. It hasn't been what i really, deep down, want to do. What has it been? me just trying to produce work for the sake of producing work....that's it...it served it's purpose...i had spent may years not getting to produce work at all and feeling great frustration and anger about that...that is what happens when you are an art teacher...or at least that is what happened to me...i spent all of my energy making things to show people how to make things, and then the energy that was left was spent on family responsibilities, that there was nothing left to make my own work....last year, i was just grateful to be able to create ANYTHING at all...and then, about the middle of the year, i got burned out again, realizing that just creating for the sake of creating was never going to really be enough...it served its' purpose...but, now, it is time to move to the next level.
2. As an artist, i will never be happy creating work to please other people....when i set out to please other people i end up feeling overwhelmed..second-guessing myself, and feeling very inadequate....and like a big disappointment...to the other people...and to myself...
3. I am not a commercial artist....on some level i wish i were...in that, if i were a graphic artist, i would at least know where to start looking for a job...but when it comes down to it...i simply am not and graphic or commercial artist....i admire those who are...but, i just am not...
4.in this social media, graphic, computer age, i find that i don't enjoy self promotion...which is a big problem when you want to be able to support yourself by making and selling your artwork...but, i feel like a great deal of artists i see self-promoting themselves are kind of taking it to a level i am not comfortable with...and i tried it as well...and i didn't enjoy it...
5.i have the ability to make anything i choose to make...just because i CAN....does not mean i HAVE TO...or even WANT to....i often find that others ask me to create things for them all of the time simply because i am able to...and sometimes, i will....if i like you, and i think i can make the time for it...i will...but, i am finding that i get overwhelmed by this as well, because finding the time is often the issue, now that i have a lil girl who is a rolling ball of fire....and this is no exageration...
6. last year was about survival....this year, will be different...
Conclusions on 2011:
1. i don't like my work. It hasn't been what i really, deep down, want to do. What has it been? me just trying to produce work for the sake of producing work....that's it...it served it's purpose...i had spent may years not getting to produce work at all and feeling great frustration and anger about that...that is what happens when you are an art teacher...or at least that is what happened to me...i spent all of my energy making things to show people how to make things, and then the energy that was left was spent on family responsibilities, that there was nothing left to make my own work....last year, i was just grateful to be able to create ANYTHING at all...and then, about the middle of the year, i got burned out again, realizing that just creating for the sake of creating was never going to really be enough...it served its' purpose...but, now, it is time to move to the next level.
2. As an artist, i will never be happy creating work to please other people....when i set out to please other people i end up feeling overwhelmed..second-guessing myself, and feeling very inadequate....and like a big disappointment...to the other people...and to myself...
3. I am not a commercial artist....on some level i wish i were...in that, if i were a graphic artist, i would at least know where to start looking for a job...but when it comes down to it...i simply am not and graphic or commercial artist....i admire those who are...but, i just am not...
4.in this social media, graphic, computer age, i find that i don't enjoy self promotion...which is a big problem when you want to be able to support yourself by making and selling your artwork...but, i feel like a great deal of artists i see self-promoting themselves are kind of taking it to a level i am not comfortable with...and i tried it as well...and i didn't enjoy it...
5.i have the ability to make anything i choose to make...just because i CAN....does not mean i HAVE TO...or even WANT to....i often find that others ask me to create things for them all of the time simply because i am able to...and sometimes, i will....if i like you, and i think i can make the time for it...i will...but, i am finding that i get overwhelmed by this as well, because finding the time is often the issue, now that i have a lil girl who is a rolling ball of fire....and this is no exageration...
6. last year was about survival....this year, will be different...
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