Conclusions for 2011

so, like i said before, i needed sometime to regroup...reflect of 2011...artistic goals...abilities...the quality of my work...where i want my work to go...what exactly i would like to accomplish...etc...


Conclusions on 2011:

1. i don't like my work. It hasn't been what i really, deep down, want to do. What has it been? me just trying to produce work for the sake of producing work....that's it...it served it's purpose...i had spent may years not getting to produce work at all and feeling great frustration and anger about that...that is what happens when you are an art teacher...or at least that is what happened to me...i spent all of my energy making things to show people how to make things, and then the energy that was left was spent on family responsibilities, that there was nothing left to make my own work....last year, i was just grateful to be able to create ANYTHING at all...and then, about the middle of the year, i got burned out again, realizing that just creating for the sake of creating was never going to really be enough...it served its' purpose...but, now, it is time to move to the next level.
2. As an artist, i will never be happy creating work to please other people....when i set out to please other people i end up feeling overwhelmed..second-guessing myself, and feeling very inadequate....and like a big disappointment...to the other people...and to myself...
3. I am not a commercial artist....on some level i wish i were...in that, if i were a graphic artist, i would at least know where to start looking for a job...but when it comes down to it...i simply am not and graphic or commercial artist....i admire those who are...but, i just am not...
4.in this social media, graphic, computer age, i find that i don't enjoy self promotion...which is a big problem when you want to be able to support yourself by making and selling your artwork...but, i feel like a great deal of artists i see self-promoting themselves are kind of taking it to a level i am not comfortable with...and i tried it as well...and i didn't enjoy it...
5.i have the ability to make anything i choose to make...just because i CAN....does not mean i HAVE TO...or even WANT to....i often find that others ask me to create things for them all of the time simply because i am able to...and sometimes, i will....if i like you, and i think i can make the time for it...i will...but, i am finding that i get overwhelmed by this as well, because finding the time is often the issue, now that i have a lil girl who is a rolling ball of fire....and this is no exageration...
6. last year was about survival....this year, will be different...