So it has been over a month since I have even attempted to get something on the blog. (however, not for lack of want to) I just do this....go through spells of needing to process...or maybe just spells of "life"....it's what I do...I'm obviously not trying to use my blog to make money...that is laughable. in the rules of social media and blogging I am certain I have lost the three readers I had...such is life...peace and blessings to all...(i can't say I blame them).
I have been trying to keep this blog going for a few years now, and to be honest, it has been a struggle...not because of blogging, but, simply because, despite trying to step it up a bit, it hasn't been fully authentic...it has not been my real voice...I've been holding back...a LOT...and that has just been boring for me...probably for whomever has stumbled upon it as well...it has been some weird, cleaned up, combed hair, version of my writing, that quite honestly...bores the crap out of me...and we all know what it is like to go to work on something we do not enjoy...
Why would I do that?
Why does anyone hold back on who, what they really are?
I suppose for me, the reason to hold back has always been the same thing...protection...and.... fear..
Protection from what?
Fear of what?
What people i know may think...
What people i know may feel entitled to say....
Negative backlash...
You know...that stuff we all worry about...(and for those who don't, I truly envy you on so many levels)
Some people are better at handling that stuff....I openly admit I feel it...sometimes too much...
It is a blessing at times, and a curse at others....and sometimes I just have to go into protection mode to process it all...
That is what I have been doing for a while now...processing....I keep reading that this is a trait common in introverts...which I have known I was my entire life....I used to feel bad about needing time to decompress and process, because it wasn't convenient for others or others who did not need time to process did not understand this...now...I don't care...it is just part of who I am...and I love processing...
But back to the point....well,I suppose that is the point...I have spent this last month, mulling a few things over....
I haven't done any artwork...
I took everything out of my Etsy Shop...(the place where i was trying to sell artwork made from an unauthentic place)
I took certain social media apps off my phone.
I changed my social media settings so that I no longer saw all of the negative updates.
I limited my social media activity.
I upped my yoga practice.
I upped my REAL book reading...not virtual books...real books that I hold in my hands and keep by my bed in a tall stack....(seriously people, you need to read real books)
I upped the care of my spiritual side, indulging in classes, museums, and community with others who are on similar journeys ....
And as a result, I have come to realize that I'm just going through a cyclical phase....one that involves hiding my true nature....trying to be what others want me to be....or retreating when I feel negativity....which results in built up feelings of resentment and eventually explodes into some form of expression: usually artwork, writing, some sort of rebellious hair colour, etc.
Life is weird....people are weird...retreating and hiding our true nature is unhealthy, not only for our spirit but shows up in the physical as well...and one of the reasons I struggle with my autoimmune issues...which i have learned could possibly be the result of pinned up expression....the closing of the throat chakra, and keeping everything inside.
Sometimes we just need a break.... a break from anything negative....or sometimes we just need to completely break up....in order to preserve our health and well-being....
I'm fortunate to have a spouse who completely supports and fully encourages and inspires me, emotionally, spiritually, and creatively. I realized the other day, on my way to a local Wellness Expo, that he encouraged me to go to, that I was the luckiest woman in the world. I mean, I knew this already....but was reminded of this as I was driving there, wishing he could go with me, not because I didn't want to go by myself, but because I just really like hanging out with him. He's just really awesome.
So, instead of making some weird, over rated declaration that this blog will be: blah blah (insert declaration here).....I'm just going to go forward and see what happens...and attempt to not be fearful.
There are always going to be Debbie Downers, Nay-Sayers, and those who want to poke wholes in your thoughts, theories, or ideas.or simply burst your bubble and try to put you in your place...you know what I call those people..".jerks"....and "not my friend"...."people I will no longer associate with"...life is too short to endure negative people....no matter who they are....those who resonate with you will rise to the top...those who don't will fall away....this is my mantra....
Living in a state of fear is just not healthy.
I have been trying to keep this blog going for a few years now, and to be honest, it has been a struggle...not because of blogging, but, simply because, despite trying to step it up a bit, it hasn't been fully authentic...it has not been my real voice...I've been holding back...a LOT...and that has just been boring for me...probably for whomever has stumbled upon it as well...it has been some weird, cleaned up, combed hair, version of my writing, that quite honestly...bores the crap out of me...and we all know what it is like to go to work on something we do not enjoy...
Why would I do that?
Why does anyone hold back on who, what they really are?
I suppose for me, the reason to hold back has always been the same thing...protection...and.... fear..
Protection from what?
Fear of what?
What people i know may think...
What people i know may feel entitled to say....
Negative backlash...
You know...that stuff we all worry about...(and for those who don't, I truly envy you on so many levels)
Some people are better at handling that stuff....I openly admit I feel it...sometimes too much...
It is a blessing at times, and a curse at others....and sometimes I just have to go into protection mode to process it all...
That is what I have been doing for a while now...processing....I keep reading that this is a trait common in introverts...which I have known I was my entire life....I used to feel bad about needing time to decompress and process, because it wasn't convenient for others or others who did not need time to process did not understand this...now...I don't care...it is just part of who I am...and I love processing...
But back to the point....well,I suppose that is the point...I have spent this last month, mulling a few things over....
I haven't done any artwork...
I took everything out of my Etsy Shop...(the place where i was trying to sell artwork made from an unauthentic place)
I took certain social media apps off my phone.
I changed my social media settings so that I no longer saw all of the negative updates.
I limited my social media activity.
I upped my yoga practice.
I upped my REAL book reading...not virtual books...real books that I hold in my hands and keep by my bed in a tall stack....(seriously people, you need to read real books)
I upped the care of my spiritual side, indulging in classes, museums, and community with others who are on similar journeys ....
And as a result, I have come to realize that I'm just going through a cyclical phase....one that involves hiding my true nature....trying to be what others want me to be....or retreating when I feel negativity....which results in built up feelings of resentment and eventually explodes into some form of expression: usually artwork, writing, some sort of rebellious hair colour, etc.
Life is weird....people are weird...retreating and hiding our true nature is unhealthy, not only for our spirit but shows up in the physical as well...and one of the reasons I struggle with my autoimmune issues...which i have learned could possibly be the result of pinned up expression....the closing of the throat chakra, and keeping everything inside.
Sometimes we just need a break.... a break from anything negative....or sometimes we just need to completely break up....in order to preserve our health and well-being....
I'm fortunate to have a spouse who completely supports and fully encourages and inspires me, emotionally, spiritually, and creatively. I realized the other day, on my way to a local Wellness Expo, that he encouraged me to go to, that I was the luckiest woman in the world. I mean, I knew this already....but was reminded of this as I was driving there, wishing he could go with me, not because I didn't want to go by myself, but because I just really like hanging out with him. He's just really awesome.
So, instead of making some weird, over rated declaration that this blog will be: blah blah (insert declaration here).....I'm just going to go forward and see what happens...and attempt to not be fearful.
There are always going to be Debbie Downers, Nay-Sayers, and those who want to poke wholes in your thoughts, theories, or ideas.or simply burst your bubble and try to put you in your place...you know what I call those people..".jerks"....and "not my friend"...."people I will no longer associate with"...life is too short to endure negative people....no matter who they are....those who resonate with you will rise to the top...those who don't will fall away....this is my mantra....
Living in a state of fear is just not healthy.
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