new work available and such

So, in the last few days things have gotten busy...it is always like that isn't it? all or nothing....

I have a few events this weekend...

Friday night i will be at Mcfadden's in Addison.  I have been struggling to figure out what to take. It is a thriftstore themed show...so, I pulled out my trusty vintage book and started drawing...I'm a sucker for vintage papers, magazines, books...it's true...

I listed some of my pages in my Etsy shop. So if you can't come out Friday night, please check out the shop! One drawing sold as soon as it was listed!

"The price of anything ..."

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it." ~Thoreau

i just wrote a tome about this and how grateful I am to be home today with my youngest as she is coughing and running fever...there was a time when this would have been impossible...I am grateful for my husband who feels as strongly as I do about being home with our kids...being there for them no matter the cost. I am grateful for the time with my children and to be able to take care of them and be there for them.

I especially think about this on days like today, almost a week after a dear, thoughtful friend sent me info about a job that i would love to have...involving working in an art studio as an assistant...in all honesty, it was a perfect job for me...and my heart lept in reading the job description...and then it fell again...because then reality set in...between the commute, and daycare...i would never see my children or even bring home much pay after the expense of commuting and daycare...i mulled it over for a moment...and the hardest part of saying "no" to the opportunity was the fear of my family suffering financially if i didn't jump for it...but when we weighed the pros and cons...what it comes down to is what you really need in life...and what we need, is each other...

Family is the most important thing...and as long as we are able to survive, together, that is all we need...

I erased the original tome i wrote because..well...it was just exhausting to read... detailing how difficult it was to be home with my child before when i was teaching...and every teacher with kids or any parent for that matter , with no babysitter or friends or family to help you, know what i mean...it sucks...

And with that, days like today make me want to work harder on the things that will actually be of benefit to my family...like teaching yoga...participating in art shows that work with our schedule and budget and working on my Etsy shop.

 I am grateful for the opportunities placed before and the ones on their way. I am grateful for this time with my youngest, especially on days like today when she feels so yucky...I am grateful i get to be here with her to bring her juice, give her medicine, cuddle and watch her favorite cartoons. This is a gift to be here with her. 

routines, quirks, and methods

The older I get, the more I understand that there are a few things I have to have in order to get work done. I have read about other artists who have their little routines, quirks, or methods that help them feel centered. I never realized just how important my quirks, routines, methods, were to my process until I wasn't able to do them...(this is life with a two year old...adjustments must be made....)

While taking a much needed break, to contemplate how I could possibly get more work done...I came up with list of things I need in order to operate...


 1. A place to work. While I am able to work almost anywhere, and always carry supplies with me everywhere I go...(something i learned to do over 11 years ago with my oldest so i could take advantage of any possible moments of free time)...I find that I have gotten to the point where I need my own space to be able to create. In the last two years I have moved my "studio" from our formal living room that we never used (and we do now as the family den)....to the formal dining room. And now, I simply work wherever I can...whenever...But, this is no longer working out. I am desperate for my own space. I need the freedom of being able to come and go from projects without worrying that they will be ruined by the dog, or curious hands. I also need to be able to walk away from a project and come back. The freedom of having one's own space sounds amazing. I am currently renovating the garage...IN MY MIND....for my next studio space...either that, or i'm going to get rid of our clothes and move into our closet...desperate times call for desperate measure...

2. I need peace and quiet....when I am working on a project, it is like a form of meditation. I need to be free of interruption for a block of time in order to fully comprehend the process... (i'm pretty sure i'm going to have to either completely lose my hearing, or wear earplugs for the rest of my life for this to happen...)

3. I need limited supplies...when I have too many supplies to choose from, my brain gets overwhelmed by the infinite possibilities...so, I have learned to purposefully limit myself when that  that overwhelming feeling comes on. Usually limiting myself two three items max at a time. 

4. Time....I need time to myself that no one else has dibs on..... while I can get things done in that super-mom-multi-tasking sort of way, I do not enjoy it. I need time to myself to be able to fully focus. This is something I really struggle with as a stay-at-home-mom. My time is never my own. In fact the last few months that I have been working more, have been filled with great frustration for me because I have not figured out how to manage this yet. I am still working on it. 

5. Rest:I used to be able to stay up all night working on a piece...not anymore...I have to rest or my brain and body shuts down.  I feel mandatory nap times becoming more and more mandatory.

 6. Health: if I don't feel well, nothing will be created. So, doing yoga, eating balanced meals, resting, taking my vitamins, are all imperative to my creative process. 

7. My overalls: the overalls I wear are hand-me-downs from my father over 15 years ago. They are covered in paint and falling apart. I just realized it might be time for a new pair...

making life changes

in the last few months, i have been making some changes....taking a few steps out of my comfort zone....changes that affect me on every level of my spirit....

1. i started taking Yoga teacher certification classes....this was a huge step out of my comfort zone....because i had not taken a class in a few years....and once the decision was made i thought i would start training in january...but within two weeks i was in class and immediately throw into teaching the very pose i had no intention of ever teaching....that first weekend was a huge test of my spirit...i felt like a train wreck....but, it opened my eyes to trusting that things will be ok....i have a tendency to want to control everything in my life...to wanting to make sure everyone around me is taken care of and putting my needs last because i don't want to be the reason that other's may suffer...as in...if there is no money for things other's need because i splurged on myself in any way....and a splurge could be as small as buying a pack of gum...i am learning that...things will be ok....and it is ok that i am allowing myself to study something that i have wanted to study for a very long time...i am still amazed at how everything lined up to allow me to actually do this....it is amazing...

2. I am finally getting to start roller derby....i have investigated this for a while and tried to figure out how on earth i could possibly do this...again, trying to not take away from my family in doing so...and simply was not a possibility....until this week....THIS WEEK....and now, because of changes in the local roller derby having a rec league....i am able to start....i am so scared...and so excited...and humbled....i have already hurt my butt...by trying to practice and landing on a concrete edge....yes...it hurts...a lot....i forced myself to skate three more loops and then i had to go...and ice my butt...something NO ONE should ever have to witness....but that same day i scored a pair of Riedell Carreras for $8.98...which are 130 bucks normally....and have started plans to create and outdoor temporary rink my back yard that can be torn down at any time and easily repaired...i'm using pallets and sheets of masonite or plywood....i still have to gather more stuff...but it will happen...i'm doing this because i need to be able to practice at home....not just in a rink....and not by driving around the world to get to a rink...and i'm not up to falling in front of my neighbors....oh and I AM TERRIFIED to making a fool of myself next week at first practice...but, i'm doing it anyway....

3. i was presented with a massive load of canvases today....a LOAD of canvases....now...i HAVE To paint...or make art...I HAVE TO...the universe is telling me it is imperative...so...I'm going to go ahead....push myself...and move forward....and it scares me to death....to fall on my face...to have a stack of paintings that will just sit in storage because they are crack like a lot of my work in the last few years....but, it's time to move forward...so.... here goes...

i'm doing yoga
i'm doing roller derby
and now....
I'm going to paint...again...

all three make me sick to my stomach...in giddiness...in fear....in complete humiliation...

Chuh-chuh-chuh-chu-anges......

So, I am learning.....slowly....oh so slowly....baby steps...


This is how i have to do things... a step and learning experience at a time...i have to chew the fat....a bit...and then move on....


that's how i feel about my artwork right now....


the last year, i have been trying to make artwork that is more, commercial....?...


and in the end, have managed to make artwork that is not what i really feel comfortable with....


i mean, it's ok......


but, it isn't me....


it just me trying to make something to try and get some money....that's the truth...


and in the end.. i haven't really sold much of anything....


so, i've been spinning my wheels...


so, i've come to the conclusion, that i need to get back on track...and go the path that i need to stick to...and get back into the artwork that i really feel connected to....


i'm not an illustrator....i've tried....and i can do it...but when i do it...i know in my gut, it isn't what i am supposed to be doing....it isn't the artwork that is coming from my soul....


it's just stuff i do....


and it's not what i'm supposed to be doing....


i'm the kind of artist that needs to feel and emotional connection with my work....like i have to work out some idea....or something...


i guess my art has to be like some sort of therapy....maybe...i dunno...


but, i can't just constantly do art for the sake of making something pretty...it just feels completely false for me....for me.....


it's fun for me to make pretty things sometimes...i mean, let's face it...i like to make stuff....


but, when it comes down to what i want to put out in the world....i need to feel like it is real and that it makes a connection...or makes people think....or question...and that isn't what i have been making the last year.....


and it is time to get back to it.....


starting...LAST WEEK.....

Fictional 2 - two aging southern belles, a parrot, and a dive bar

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kimberly-Renelle-Bradshaw-
Meadows/53281519952

http://www.dallasculture.org/bathHouseCultureCenter/

rainy days make me work harder

it is raining cats and dogs right now.....
the hubs works outside.....
when the weather is like this, i think about him, working hard for our family, and i work harder.....

so far i have painted three pages of drawings...
2 pages of butterflies for another artist....
a big rain cloud....
sorted through a bag of crap i had save and i still don't know why...i trashed most of it...

i can't listen to all of the info on the news....it's just too much...

instead...i listen to podcasts that i have missed

chicken is in the crockpot....soup or dumplings for the family is in the future...

now....crossing my fingers for a sale....

come on....(fingers crossed)

My desk

I think this says alot about me right now....