Paperbead: art as meditation

I'm a firm believer that creating is one of the closest paths to Spirit. I'm also a firm believer in the idea that art, and creating things, whether it is paintings, drawing, sewing, sculpting, cooking, or anything that involves a focused creative process....it is a meditation....Making paper beads is high up on that list for me.

Lately I have been making paper beads. This project falls under "one of those things I taught everyone else to do but never had time to do it myself"... and there are a LOT of those projects I hope to get to...p.s. if you are an art teacher, this is a cool project  to do with your kids. I always noticed a calm that would come over my students as they started the process of making the beads...their minds would quiet, their spirits would calm, and before they knew it, class was over and we had filled a bucket with beaded potential to use in future projects...(mostly altered books).

Making paper beads is simple.  

Supplies:

Magazine

scissors

glue

skewers

bags for storage

In the sketchbook: peace, hope, & trust

New Faces

I'm not sure where these faces are coming from.....wait...that's not really true...sometimes I just don't really enjoy talking about where my work comes from because it is so personal...that's all..It's that whole "fear of judgement" thing...but the truth is, these faces have been coming up in my drawings for years...decades really...I should dig up some of my really old stuff from middle school, high school, and college...of course, back then, I was doing the dough-eyed girl paintings and drawings...which in retrospect were my way of showing a since of wonder or innocence....these faces...eyes closed...some with flowing hair...some no hair at all and glowing auras are more about turning inward...finding peace...radiating stillness to the world around them...

where does my work come from?

I have done a lot of work....sometimes I get the urge to make all kinds of stuff. my head gets full of creative possibilities...so much so that i feel like i could just burst! I know that in my lifetime i will never complete all of the projects in my head... but that is neither here nor there...

Where does my work come from?

After much hemming and hawing...dabbling in various styles, genres, and subjects....the work i am the most connected with all comes from a very emotional place...a place that is all about the effort it takes to simply "be present" no matter what...to push through the darkness and face the sun...

And because my work is based on simply being present, I create from what i know, experiences i have had, life I have lived. I have had to make peace with this through the years. Sometimes it can be straight from the heart and leave me very drained from thinking too much about it...Sometimes, it can make me laugh, as i think of the beauty in each moment. This is what i do. Sometimes people understand it when they look at it...usually those kindred spirits who are looking for meaning and feel the empathy necessary to relate to some of my work.  And then, sometimes people just don't....awww...such is life...

Like, I said, I have done a lot of work...the problem is...when it doesn't come from the heart....or the place in my soul that needs to be freed, it simply doesn't resonate....it is just a drawing...it is just a painting...it is just a design project...with no heart, soul or feeling...it is meaningless...i choose to create work with soul...work with emotion...work that reminds me, if no one else, the importance of simply "being present."

late night sketches (why?)

It never fails, that even when i'm exhausted, and the first to go to bed, i am always the last one to fall asleep. 

I used to get back on the computer and mindlessly read items of ridiculousness.

 Pure mindlessness. 

And, i realized i was just wasting my life. 

What did i want to do instead? 

So, i asked myself, "If i can't sleep, what could i do that would at least make that time, NOT a waste?"

The obvious solution for me...

DRAW

Why? 

Because there are days (as in, MULTIPLE) when i never get to sit down and do anything artistic....(i would say "creative" but that isn't true)...everyday is filled with some form of creativity..."artistic" creativity...that may be another thing...and maybe it isn't so much that i can't do something creative, so much as get into that "zone" which requires no interruptions...

My days are filled with taking care of my family,keeping a youngest from climbing on top of the fridge (which i seriously fully expect to deal with at some point), maintaining health, and if i am lucky, i can incorporate some art in there somewhere.

if I'm Lucky.....

So, it only makes sense that the very best time for me to get my artistic fix, is before i go to sleep...It is usually the last thing i do each day...usually...

i keep a stack of journals, an art bag, and a lap desk, beside my bed. 

I randomly pick up a journal and draw. There is no rhyme or reason. The idea is to purely just take a few minutes to draw.

The other point is to find that state of being, that meditative state, that allows me to zone out, clear my mind, and relax after the day's, well i would say "routine" but there is nothing routine about my days...(routine would be relaxing...)

Drawing, at night, is my therapy, my meditation, my shedding of the day to prepare for the next day. 

And rise again....

a kind nudge from a friend

http://www.wimp.com/obviousyou/

a dear friend sent me the link to this video this morning....

nothing warms my heart more than when someone lets you know that they are thinking about you....Thank you....

The message in this video is resonating highly with me right now....I was just talking to the hubs about how frustrated i am with my artwork...with how this year has turned out for me artistically...how inauthentic i feel as an artist...how nothing is selling...and if nothing is selling...then i might as well do the work that i really feel connected with instead of trying to do something i think will sell but actually isn't...

I dunno exactly what direction i should head in...

but  i heard something a few weeks ago....in an interview i was listening to....and it just shouted out at me....

"that thing that comes easiest to you, is the thing you are supposed to charge the most for...." and right now, it has slipped my mind as to who to credit for this because i have listened to ALOT of inspirational stuff in the last few weeks...(if this was your line, please let me know...i would be happy to credit you and link to your site)

i'm actually not sure what comes easiest to me...that must sound very obnoxious...i would think it was obnoxious if someone else said this...but i'm just not sure if they mean, as far as capability? time? availability?...but i guess...it's all of it, right?

so, that is what i need to think on, i suppose....and this video....

Chuh-chuh-chuh-chu-anges......

So, I am learning.....slowly....oh so slowly....baby steps...


This is how i have to do things... a step and learning experience at a time...i have to chew the fat....a bit...and then move on....


that's how i feel about my artwork right now....


the last year, i have been trying to make artwork that is more, commercial....?...


and in the end, have managed to make artwork that is not what i really feel comfortable with....


i mean, it's ok......


but, it isn't me....


it just me trying to make something to try and get some money....that's the truth...


and in the end.. i haven't really sold much of anything....


so, i've been spinning my wheels...


so, i've come to the conclusion, that i need to get back on track...and go the path that i need to stick to...and get back into the artwork that i really feel connected to....


i'm not an illustrator....i've tried....and i can do it...but when i do it...i know in my gut, it isn't what i am supposed to be doing....it isn't the artwork that is coming from my soul....


it's just stuff i do....


and it's not what i'm supposed to be doing....


i'm the kind of artist that needs to feel and emotional connection with my work....like i have to work out some idea....or something...


i guess my art has to be like some sort of therapy....maybe...i dunno...


but, i can't just constantly do art for the sake of making something pretty...it just feels completely false for me....for me.....


it's fun for me to make pretty things sometimes...i mean, let's face it...i like to make stuff....


but, when it comes down to what i want to put out in the world....i need to feel like it is real and that it makes a connection...or makes people think....or question...and that isn't what i have been making the last year.....


and it is time to get back to it.....


starting...LAST WEEK.....

Andy goldsworthy

Watching" rivers and tides".  And all I can think about is how nice it must be for him to have the solitude and silence of the nature to work in without interruption. 
"I think I am drained by people..." he says....
And I completely know what he means.
The importance of solitude...of the ability to have a meditative thought without interruption....is something I need in order to function. In order to create...I have joked about taking up hunting...just to have the excuse to be alone in the forest or nature.
When I don't have time to myself I begin to feel suffocated...claustraphobic...anxious
..grumpy .... a bear....I feel as though I am holding my breathe...
And it isn't anyone's fault....it just is what it is....
"What lies below the surface affects the surface" he says...
And you watch the serpantine of the rive line dry from beneath the clay....