Andy goldsworthy

Watching" rivers and tides".  And all I can think about is how nice it must be for him to have the solitude and silence of the nature to work in without interruption. 
"I think I am drained by people..." he says....
And I completely know what he means.
The importance of solitude...of the ability to have a meditative thought without interruption....is something I need in order to function. In order to create...I have joked about taking up hunting...just to have the excuse to be alone in the forest or nature.
When I don't have time to myself I begin to feel suffocated...claustraphobic...anxious
..grumpy .... a bear....I feel as though I am holding my breathe...
And it isn't anyone's fault....it just is what it is....
"What lies below the surface affects the surface" he says...
And you watch the serpantine of the rive line dry from beneath the clay....

Clearing the clutter

So, a few weeks ago there was a challenge by http://www.blueskysunburn.com/2011/03/wip-wednesday-show-me-your-studio.html to show what your studio REALLY looks like, and not the picture perfect type...but where you REALLY work... you may recall, mine was pretty CRAPTASTIC!...hey, i know the truth...this is how i roll...when i get busy, or overwhelmed, my workspace can be nuts....however, a few things spurred me to get it in order....

1. i periodicly, have to have everything in order so i can actually work. My mind gets overwhelmed by all of the stimulation and i cannot focus AT ALL. i must have order so i can deal with the chaos..
2. baby girl is now ON THE MOVE....she is rolling everywhere with crawling very close...she needed the space to be able to explore safely, and i needed to have peace-of-mind about that...
3. Seeing those pics was just DEPRESSING...yeah, i know that i am messy when i am working...but, who wants to live like that? NOT ME! like i said, i can't focus when things are like that and i can't create...i feel like the world is closing in on me...

SOOOOOOO yesterday i took everything out of the studio that was not conducive to 1. the safety and well being of baby girl, and 2. creativity....i still have some tweaking to do,...and i'm sure my husband is going to be a little miffed that his newly organized garage now has more things stuck in it that i got out of the studio...but, i'm ok with that...lol...

In the studio

Raised my work surface. I have to stand up to work. I hate sitting.

inspirations - etsy treasury

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4db079eeb0038eef90d1a388/inspiration-abby

http://www.etsy.com/listing/68908980/life-circles?ref=tre-4db079eeb0038eef90d1a388-14

It's a lonely world sometimes

My "lonely chair engulfed in circles" was just featured in a beautiful Etsy treasury.


Here is the link:

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4dafa5be2f076d91268e0f64/its-a-lonely-world-sometimes

http://www.etsy.com/listing/69608368/lonely-chair-in-engulfed-in-targets?ref=af_shop_tre

words i'm living by right now

"make lots of bad art so you
can get to the good stuff." future akin


i heard her say this at an art teacher conference over a year ago. The workshop was about making your own work as an artist when you are an art teacher...


One thing i found when i was teaching art, was that i realized i felt a lot of frustration, and jealousy with/of my students, in that they were getting to do the things i wish i had time to do...i was showing them how to do the things i wish i had time to do...


now, that i'm a wahm...i have time...or at...... least more than i did...


now, the thing that stops me is that i feel like the quality of my work has to be perfect...i think it comes from spending so much time teaching others....


or maybe it is just the artist in me?


i dunno...


but i don't have THAT much time...i have just enough...enough to do a little bit here...a little bit there...


another artist that i met last november told me that when she became a mother for the second time, sheer determination helped her to keep making art. She figured out how to make it work for her. She did small pieces and then put them all together...


so, i keep telling myself:


make lots of bad stuff to get to the good....make your work work for you right now...


another thing that is ringing in my ears, is something i heard in march...




" when you come from a place of sincerity, everything works out".


this one is good for me, in these days when i see all of these talented young artists, with their amazing websites, blogs, and ability to promote....


yeah, i could copy them, follow their " scheme" or imitate their whole gettup...but what would be the point?


 i would just get frustrated...because, it isn't me....it isn't what i do....it isn't who i am...


i have been VERY restrained in this blog...trying to be all "professional" and "marketable"...and what has ended up happening...this blog is just friggin boring....


i barely post here because i'm not excited about what i'm doing here...this just feels like something i have to do to make things work...and that isn't who i am....


so, with a deep breathe...the real me is about to appear, a little more each day...and hopefully...with a deep sigh of relief....

Peace in the studio

My desk today

Sometimes, a single word plays in a loop in my head. Instead of fighting it, i'm painting it.

from the studio

new spring banner

So, this is the banner i made today...this is not only at the top of this blog, but now the banner for my Etsy shop...The last few months i have been doing what alot of people do...trying to figure all of this stuff out....one thing that has never felt right, was my banner...here or there...and i'm not sure if this one is right either...but for now, it feels right...One thing i know about myself is that i have too many different types of things i like to do. I like edgy looking things with bold lines and colors and i like soft and subtle drawings, watercolors and pastels as well...this is just how i am...so, finding that balance between the two worlds has been difficult...to say the least...

i had to put myself in someone else's shoes to get to this point...and say..." if i were looking at this for the first time, what would i want to see?"

i'm not sure this is really it, yet....but it doesn't make me want to run away screaming with my hands waving in the air....

what i do

so, i have been working at this pretty solid for a few months now....and it is tough....it is hard to keep your head up sometimes and smile...

putting yourself out there always sucks...

but then i realize, I'm still struggling with figuring out my perspective....

so, i have made the transition to having a fairly regular daily routine working from home...

but there is A LOT to do....

and what keeps me on track is knowing that i did a lot of the same stuff when i was a teacher....with an entire classroom of children....so, this...this is a piece of cake in comparison...well i say that it is a piece of cake...there are days when i realize it is just as frustrating as those tough days with a behaviorally challenged student...on those days...the plan changes...and i have to get caught up later....i just have to keep going...

the biggest difference is the lack of a monthly paycheck....and that part really blows...

Coming to terms

So.... I realized that, like I suspect a lot of artists do, that I am my biggest hurdle.

By this, I mean, I struggle in a few areas that would greatly behoove me to not struggle in....and I can choose to not struggle with them.  

1. Self promotion: I suck at talking about my work. I feel very self conscious and like I am being boastful by doing so. But how is that helpful to feel that way?

2. I feel guilty about being an artist.    It's true.....I think,there are some deep seeded reasons for this....but that's something I should just put into my artwork.

3. I allow what others say to really eat away at my spirit...and that stops me creatively...

All of these things are creativity killers..

4. Oh, and let me not forget the phrase : did you get paid? Is there any money in it?
This seems to be the very first thing people who don't do art, or think that art or being an artist is frivolous ask. This is also the first thing that a lot of students ask. While YES i DO want to GET PAID...it is a killer when that is ALL people want to know...as though your worth as an artist is only equal to how much you "get paid"...and any artist worth their salt, know there are a lot of us out there worth our salt....who have even made history...and never GOT PAID....
    
Man if that doesn't kill my spirit and make me want to give up...


however, having said all of that....it has made me think about something for a future post about "getting paid" as an artist...and my personal attitude about that....

Inspiration

"Flood of emotion" artists healing Japan

so these are the two paintings i just dropped off for the "FLOOD OF EMOTION" benefit for Japan.


In this picture i scotched them together...but they are two separate paintings.
5x7's
acrylic on canvas
one is named Re-Chair #2 and the other is REACH-AIR #2.....


i have this "thing" about chairs...but this particular style of chair for some reason...i dunno, maybe some therapist can tell me why...but, Recently i have referred to it as the "lonely chair"....seems fitting...


It was actually kind of difficult to give these two small paintings up....


I mean, i am happy to give to a good cause any day....


but these chairs sort of hit me in the gut...and it felt like i was giving away my children....which is EXACTLY WHY I HAD TO GIVE THEM AWAY.....especially for this particular cause....


" you have to let go of the past to welcome the future"


" out with the old, in with the new"


" you must let go, to receive"


yes, those were the thoughts in my head as i bagged these babies up and filled out the paperwork for their adoptions....


Like all work, i hope it goes to a good home....and i hope that it helps others by raising money....

Show me your studio challenge

Jennifer Williams, of blueskysunburn creations has challenged us creative types to show the world what our studio looks like today....I know I will regret this...because I cannot stand my studio right now. And yes, I am going to offer up my excuses...but the main one is that this is what it looks like when I am too busy to be in it...and no doubt I will be cleaning it out this weekend... i have been feeling a purging coming on for a while now...I honestly must must must have my chaos organized before I can create...just how I am...not to mention...I have a little one that is now on the move and I have to set up a safe zone for her to move around free in....notice that she has three "holding areas" in the pics,which will no longer do....lol...
Oh, and I just want to say that there is a painting  i am working on(which you may or may not see in the pics) which is about being a teacher in today's society which is full of sarcasm and frustration ( i used to teach in public school) and is not finished at all...so if it makes you angry...just know where it is coming from...there is no greater advocate for teachers and education than me....sooo just know that....


I have several work areas...i have my watercolor table by the window, i have my computer and Sewing areas, and then the big board on the right is one of my painting walls...it covers up the fireplace that we never use....this picture makes this room look small...or maybe it all of my crap that makes it look small..but it is actually a fairly large formal living area...and since we aren't formal living people..i stole it for my work area...
yeah, i'll be reorganizing this mess real soon i can feel it....




this is my sewing table...notice how on each side of it i have baby "holding areas" set up...but this is all about to change since little one is now on the move and isn't satisfied with what we have been doing for a few months now..it is time for a change...for both of us!