processing the information and life

So it has been over  a month since I have even  attempted to get something on the blog. (however, not for lack of want to) I just do this....go through spells of needing to process...or maybe just spells of "life"....it's what I do...I'm obviously not trying to use my blog to make money...that is laughable. in the rules of social media and blogging I am certain I have lost the three readers I had...such is life...peace and blessings to all...(i can't say I blame them).

I have been trying to keep this blog going for a few years now, and to be honest, it has been a struggle...not because of blogging, but, simply because, despite trying to step it up a bit, it hasn't been fully authentic...it has not  been my real voice...I've been holding back...a LOT...and that has just been boring for me...probably for whomever has stumbled upon it as well...it has been some weird, cleaned up, combed hair, version of my writing, that quite honestly...bores the crap out of me...and we all know what it is like to go to work on something we do not enjoy...

Why would I do that?

Why does anyone hold back on who, what they really are?

I suppose for me, the reason to hold back has always been the same thing...protection...and.... fear..

Protection from what?
Fear of what?

What people i know may think...
What people i know may feel entitled to say....
Negative backlash...

You know...that stuff we all worry about...(and for those who don't, I truly envy you on so many levels)

Some people are better at handling that stuff....I openly admit I feel it...sometimes too much...
It is a blessing at times, and a curse at others....and sometimes I just have to go into protection mode to process it all...

That is what I have been doing for a while now...processing....I keep reading that this is a trait common in introverts...which I have known I was my entire life....I used to feel bad about needing time to decompress and process, because it wasn't convenient for others or others who did not need time to process did not understand this...now...I don't care...it is just part of who I am...and I love processing...

But back to the point....well,I suppose that is the point...I have spent this last month, mulling a few things over....

I haven't done any artwork...

I took everything out of my Etsy Shop...(the place where i was trying to sell artwork made from an unauthentic place)

I took certain social media apps off my phone.

I changed my social media settings so that I no longer saw all of the negative updates.

I limited my social media activity.

I upped my yoga practice.

I upped my REAL book reading...not virtual books...real books that I hold in my hands and keep by my bed in a tall stack....(seriously people, you need to read real books)

I upped the care of my spiritual side, indulging in classes, museums, and community with others who are on similar journeys ....

And as a result, I have come to realize that I'm just going through a cyclical phase....one that involves hiding my true nature....trying to be what others want me to be....or retreating when I feel negativity....which results in built up feelings of resentment and eventually explodes into some form of expression: usually artwork, writing, some sort of rebellious hair colour, etc.

Life is weird....people are weird...retreating and hiding our true nature is unhealthy, not only for our spirit but shows up in the physical as well...and one of the reasons I struggle with my autoimmune issues...which i have learned could possibly be the result of pinned up  expression....the closing of the throat chakra, and keeping everything inside.

Sometimes we just need a break.... a break from anything negative....or sometimes we just need to completely break up....in order to preserve our health and well-being....

I'm fortunate to have a spouse who completely supports and fully encourages and inspires me, emotionally, spiritually, and creatively. I realized the other day, on my way to a local Wellness Expo, that he encouraged me to go to, that I was the luckiest woman in the world. I mean, I knew this already....but was reminded of this as I was driving there, wishing he could go with me, not because I didn't want to go by myself, but because I just really like hanging out with him. He's just really awesome.

So, instead of making some weird, over rated declaration  that this blog will be: blah blah (insert declaration here).....I'm just going to go forward and see what happens...and attempt to not be fearful.

There are always going to be Debbie Downers, Nay-Sayers, and those who want to poke wholes in your thoughts, theories, or ideas.or simply burst your bubble and try to put you in your place...you know what I call those people..".jerks"....and "not my friend"...."people I will no longer associate with"...life is too short to endure negative people....no matter who they are....those who resonate with you will rise to the top...those who don't will fall away....this is my mantra....

Living in a state of fear is just not healthy.

Drink your water...

Just like forgetting to eat breakfast....i often forget to drink water...

again...

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Again: if I knew, I wouldn't forget...RIGHT? (i'm just sayin')

Often, I am the one reminding my oldest to drink more water for his health...but i totally forget about myself.

The Hubs is an awesome source for reminding(cough, cough, nagging) me to drink some water...and I adore him for it! No, really..I do..I absolutely adore that man!

Hashimoto s autoimmune

This was me about a month ago. 

The thing about Hashimoto's is you never know when it will hit.

 As I told a friend this week, I don't like to make a big deal about this stuff....I truly believe that we don't want to feed the fire of negativity and that staying focused on the positive is the way to go. But I have also come to the understanding that on those days when I am getting slammed with this autoimmune crap, it is simply best to be honest with people. Simply telling people, " I am not do....(insert whatever activity)....today because...(insert whatever it is throwing at you that day) and explain the facts" usually does the job. 

I have had several people email me in the last few weeks about their own struggles with this autoimmune issue. I don't have all, if any answers at all. I too am just figuring this stuff out. Years of ignoring my own physical needs and simply "pushing through" meant that I did very little research on this issue for myself., until now. And admittedly, now, I have found so much contradictory information out there that I am still sorting through it all as well.

  HOWEVER, the things I do know, and have been forced to learn, is the importance  of being kind to myself, doing what I can to get back to perfect health, and listening to my body when it is crashing.

 In the past I would push through, ignoring the signs and tell myself to get over it and take care of business....now, I have to force myself to rest. Resting has never been a luxury I felt I could afford. Now, it is a requirement. But, I still have to mentally "allow" myself to do it...

my yoga story: How i got started

(So, i realized that i haven't really talked much about the Yoga part of my life...Here's to putting in a little more effort on that front...)


SO you may wonder how this old gal found herself teaching yoga?

Well, I'm still trying to figure it out myself...but, in a nutshell...it started 11 years ago...when my son was still an infant.
I joined a gym.
They had yoga and childcare.
I took the class.
I made it through the class. 
I was really excited that I actually completed the class.
I never liked exercising in groups. 
I'm not the physically competitive sort.
I had been struggling with anxiety attacks, exhaustion, fatigue, weight gain, (which in retrospect was the beginning of my autoimmune symptoms).
Yoga helped me feel stronger and calm. 
Two days after that first class...I felt like I got hit by a bus...it was the first time I had ever felt like that. 
Right then and there I knew, that Yoga was the first exercise I had ever done that left me feeling better yet knowing I had really worked out.

From there, Life happened...like it does...I practiced off and on, mostly on my own, when I felt especially stressed. I lived in a rural area for several years and didn't now where to look for classes. It wasn't until years later and the beginning (?) of my midlife crisis when I declared to my Hubs ...

"I WANT TO STUDY YOGA"

He, that sweet man, just looked at me, as though this was the most normal thing i could have ever said to him, and simply said, "ok...."

With this, I had a plan in my mind that I would work out for 6 months,build up my strength and then start whatever program I felt comfortable with that winter...

Within 2 weeks I found the program I wanted to be a part of...signed up and was in my first class...

Yeah....

It was quite a whirlwind, and the beginning or many life lessons I needed to relearn...

I am still growing in my practice. Everyday is a new challenge or lesson to be learned. And I am grateful for it.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day...i hear...

Confession time: 

I often forget to eat.

 I know....I know.....how is that even possible?  

Um, Well.....If I knew, then, I wouldn't forget...right? 

But it is true... I often go all day only to find that, around 4:30, when I am cooking dinner ( yes i start cooking dinner around 4 or 4:30), that I am truly starving...and I usually realize that I have only managed to have coffee...

(insert gasps...fainting and cries of terror)

ok maybe that is a bit dramatic...but i seriously visualized all that in a 50's black and white t.v. sort of way...

ANYWAY back to breakfast.... Despite not eating all day, judging by my weight...this isn't a good way to lose weight...at all..lol..

So, as part of my commitment to perfect health, I am trying to be more mindful of eating. 

The issue for me isn't so much WHAT  I eat  as when I eat. 

I actually have to make a point to remember to feed myself. Weird...i know...

I did well when.I had a regular schedule for work. It's easy to form a sort of Pavlov's dog routine when someone else tells you when your breaks and lunchtimes are...

Now that I stay home with my youngest,  I kinda got out of that routine. Not KINDA...I REALLY got out of that routine.I hear this is pretty common. My routine revolved around her sleeping patterns, emotions , and such. Now that she is older, a daily routine is helping both of us get it in gear. 

I have a couple of motivations. 1. my own personal health 2. the example i set for my children. I want them to grow up healthy and happy. I feel like it is one of my many responsibilities as their parent to lead the way in their knowledge of how to take care of themselves.

Right now we are focusing on eating a healthy breakfast. For the youngest this can be anything from fruit, to oatmeal, to eggs...or my oldest, i kinda let him do his own thang most mornings before school...(usually being a granola bar, oatmeal, muffins, or sometimes a peanut butter rollup) The Hubs...well, he eats breakfast once he gets to work,(sweet potatoes with almond butter or avocado) For me...I try to stick to a few things and make sure I have some protein to keep my blood sugar from dropping... As of late my favorite breakfast is Greek yogurt, with a sprinkling of ground flax seed, some cacao nibs, and a drizzling of honey, topped with walnuts. I seriously think I could eat this for every meal...OH! and my handful of vitamins....(fish oil, D, biotin,  Selenium,magnesium-which i have started taking at night instead of morning, Turmeric, and my first daily vitamin) and my trusty  mug-0-coffee...I usually drink about half of this and move on to various mixtures of tea and water the rest of the day...

I would love to hear what you healthy breakfast go-to's are! feel free to share!

The day after....days after a show

So, it is Monday....I had an art show this weekend. We had beautiful weather and it was in a beautiful city square. I got to paint some, enjoy some herbal tea, gourmet popcorn, Oreo rice crispy treats from a bake sale to support local dancers, and the company of my amazing son and good friends...i even saw a friend from my first teaching job in east Texas. (such a treat!)

Today, I am home with my youngest, (as usual)...i'm a SAHM....but today we are huddled up and watching cartoons...no going to the gym, no local playroom, no running around or simply enjoying the back yard...

Why?

1. my youngest is not feeling well...
we spend a lot of time outside these days, and allergies seem to be hitting her big-time...stuffy nose, coughing...possibly a cold...but, she doesn't feel well at all...so that is enough to batten down the hatches...lots of honey-ginger tea is being consumed this morning....

2.I'm still recovering from Saturday...

Yes, RECOVERING....

Why? (you may ask...or maybe not...) Why would i need to recover from such a great art event?

Well, a couple of reasons...

First off:  I am a major introvert....so being out in a public  forum, interacting with people...seriously wears me out...this is something i am owning up to and embracing these days. It used to be a huge source of confusion not only for myself, but for others. (and still is for others at times)...but, as an introvert, large crowds, talking to people in any capacity, answering questions, putting my artwork out for people to eye and judge...is sheer exhaustion...and i happen to know that it is like this for several of my artist friends...it's an energy thing...it takes a great deal of our energy to make the work in the first place, but to deal with everything else, almost sends our systems into failure..

Second off: Autoimmune disease kicks in big time after times of stress....like being out in public, talking to people, etc....so, all day yesterday, i felt like i got hit by a bus....my brain hurt, my body felt like i had the flu, but mostly my brain hurt...and all i wanted was to take a nap or simply relax...which didn't happen despite great effort otherwise....

So, today,I am taking full advantage of setting some boundaries with my personal energy. Today i'm not answering my phone, text messages, or pm's ....I've already gotten a few, and I will just have to get back to them later. Today is about recovering my energy and getting back into balance. Otherwise I know I will be useless the rest of the week.

Why? Because this is part of my commitment to perfect health...understanding my own limitations and doing what is necessary to be healthy so I can take care of my family.

This is a skill I was first introduced to by a dear friend of mine who is my mental guru when it comes to taking ownership of one's health, knowing one's limits, and setting boundaries in order to insure one is at their optimal health standard. The first time she told me to set boundaries for my health was when i first started teaching. I simply could not wrap my head around this. I was stuck in the idea that I had to take care of everyone else first and myself last. It has taken me years, and the development of this autoimmune disease to finally "allow" myself to simply say, "no" or, "i can't do that."





Sometimes people get upset when I say " no" or "i can't do that"...and I have come to realize, that this  is their issue to deal with...not mine...I no longer worry about that...easier said than done at times.

But today is all about recovery...for me and for my youngest....
ginger tea with honey...cartoons...juice...healthy food....rest...and later some yoga...

It is imperative that we do what is necessary to be healthy....when we are ill, or simply don't feel good...that is the way our body tells us we need to rest, and need to  take care of ourselves...