Tired

I think it is the change in the weather....or constantly getting little girl out of stuff....or just not resting well...but, i'm tired right now...weary...

I want to sit in solitude and create....I also want to take a nap....neither will happen until everyone goes to bed.

I think this is pretty common for moms....I just don't know any who admit it.

i work at night

so, it is after midnight.....

this is the only guarenteed time i can work in the studio without interruptions...ever...

you would think i would have this down after a year....but i don't....

sometimes, days...weeks go by, before i get back in here...and it feels like i am constantly pulled in numerous directions...and all i can think is...

didn't i do more than this when i was teaching? and i had a full classroom....

how does that happen?

but, life changes....and in all honesty...bouncing back physically has been difficult...but, it is coming back....strength, that is...which helps all around...

yoga helps...on every level..mentally, spiritually, physically....it makes me a better person...if only in my mind...

i'm tired....but, i don't want to go to sleep....i want to absord every moment of silence i can....every single moment of breathe i can before i am on call again....doing this...doing that...all the while...just wanting a nap...and nice, long...uninterrupted nap....that...never...ever...happens...

i should sleep....i really should...tomorrow will be a very long day...

oh well...

i'm staring at this piece...

i just realized that i didn't attempt to enter any shows this fall...all of the regular ones i have done the last few years...i simply didn't even attempt to enter them....i just didn't have the heart to do them one more time....don't get me wrong...they are wonderful shows...filled with very respected artists...i was fortunate to be included in them...and grateful...

but it is very disheartening....when...that's it....nothing sells...and all any artist wants is to do more...

I did enter a different show...i forgot about it...my work wasn't chosen...for a major project...i really wanted them to pick my work...i admit it...

but, again...with the staring....

this piece is different than things i have done over the last two years...this piece...is really my work...and not just stuff i did to satisfy someone else...i have done that alot...

i have decided that i am just not a commercial artist...i honestly wish i could be...but, i'm not...i was trying to place my artwork in a genre...

and the closest, and most repeated statement over the last 20 years...."surreal"....and...i'm ok with that...

truth is...i don't really keep up with the 'art world'.....

and while i try to see artwork locally...and there is A LOT....i'm not a part of any group or scene ....at all...
 to quote Norm from Cheers...." i'm so out of the loop, i don't even know where the on ramp is...."

and that is the truth....and i'm ok with that...

i saw in FB land...there is always the occasional person who says..."stop whining an djust do something!"...so whomever they are shouting at at the time....and i really wanted to apply that to myself....i mean....gawd knows i can't stand whining...i can't listen to it...so, i certainly don't want to be the whiner....( though i know i do my fair share)...

but having said that...i think, it is important for artists to take a step back from their work  and really evaluate it on every level....the last few months...my evaluation has led me to understand that i am not happy with my work...because for me..it isn't genuine...i have been producing work for he sake of producing...and that is fine...it gets you to working....and then...there is that moment...when simply producing...isn't enough....anymore...

there is that moment, when pawing around to try and accomplish something...isn't working anymore...and it is time...to move on...to take a new direction... to try a  new strategy....

and that is where i am...

a few things i have considered...changing and will  most likely...

my work schedule...and by "work' i mean...studio time....
currently i attempt to have a set routine in my morning so that i can get things done here at home...and then, while my daughter sleeps...i try to work in the studio...some days i get to...some days i don't because i have other family obligations to handle as well...i have found that it is becoming increasingly frustrating...that needs to change...there are only so many hours in the day...i need routine, in order to be able to handle the chaos...

paying attention to social media too much...it is a time-suck and i feel like it is eating my soul....i would say i would delete all accounts...but i know that won't happen...right now...thought slowing down on that...may be imminent....

taking care of my health....on all levels...can only contribute to better artwork...

simplifying my life....there are very few things in my life i really care to keep....
family
art
health

that's it....anything that does not contribute to those things...should be cut out....

so, it's almost one....

i'm exhausted from the day
i did manage a little bit of work on the piece...
it has potential...
and i am excited about working on it...

but, now...i must sleep...it's been a very long day...and tomorrow promises to be long as well...with cooler temps on the way...i love cooler temps...

Eye candy

This weekend I went back home for the city of winnsboro's antique car parade. I know other towns do this as well...but I think winnsboro is the best.

What is that smell?

I'm standing here working ...cutting out some doodles for the big piece...baby girl is playing...aka...trashing the studio while taking breaks to play on the piano and ukalele...chicken is roasting in the oven for dinner...and I get a whiff of something.....unpleasant...rotten egg-like.....is it the baby? Is it dinner? No.....it's my sad brushes that have been neglected in their mason jar.....sigh....

just sayin....

In the studio

Today, like many days when I get to be in the studio, i'm working around the wee one. This is like a circus act at times. She want severything ihave and is not satisfied with less. This leads to a few tantrums, with the eventual nap. I wish I were the one napping. Ha! She is just like me. I am afraid to say. She wants to do exactly what id do so much more than her brother did. I realized today I was not prepared for this. I assumed she would want to be different from birth...but I guess that comes later....so today she colors on my good paper with my studio supplies...and I try to keep my work to myself..out of her beautiful grabbing hands to avoid paper rumpling...and sigh...when she finally rests...

Mom's night out

Last night I went to a Mom's night out event st my local library. 1. It was free.  2. It was for mom's. 3. I got out of the house for first time on weeks without kids. 4. I got to color uninterrupted by children. 5. I got to have s conversation that consisted of more than two syllables.

It was awesome.

buying art....?...read this...

http://www.goop.com/newsletter/147/en/

Thanks GP....

a kind nudge from a friend

http://www.wimp.com/obviousyou/

a dear friend sent me the link to this video this morning....

nothing warms my heart more than when someone lets you know that they are thinking about you....Thank you....

The message in this video is resonating highly with me right now....I was just talking to the hubs about how frustrated i am with my artwork...with how this year has turned out for me artistically...how inauthentic i feel as an artist...how nothing is selling...and if nothing is selling...then i might as well do the work that i really feel connected with instead of trying to do something i think will sell but actually isn't...

I dunno exactly what direction i should head in...

but  i heard something a few weeks ago....in an interview i was listening to....and it just shouted out at me....

"that thing that comes easiest to you, is the thing you are supposed to charge the most for...." and right now, it has slipped my mind as to who to credit for this because i have listened to ALOT of inspirational stuff in the last few weeks...(if this was your line, please let me know...i would be happy to credit you and link to your site)

i'm actually not sure what comes easiest to me...that must sound very obnoxious...i would think it was obnoxious if someone else said this...but i'm just not sure if they mean, as far as capability? time? availability?...but i guess...it's all of it, right?

so, that is what i need to think on, i suppose....and this video....

In the studio

This is a large piece I have been working on since last spring. It is taking a while, not because it is difficult mechanically, but because I am piecing it together...a bit at a time.  And working on it in between chasing down my baby monkey...aka...daughter...who never stops moving...unless she is asleep....so I live for that two hours in the middle of the day....and try to cram everything i need to do into that time....yeah...it's gonna be a while...but i feel good about where it is going...it has been so long since I just really made work I felt good about...and by good...I mean,work that was coming from some place other than trying to please others....when I do that, I doubt myself too much...I grow to hate the work because I know it isn't authentic....it's just work....I envy people who are satisfied with making work for the sake of making work...I really do...I tried...and I felt a huge hole in my gut...and it never accomplished it's goal....so, moving on....I have no idea where this is headed...but I hope...it lands some place positive.

What is art?

Dia de los Muertos

I love Dia de Los Muertos..... I have always been fascinated with all of the color, the parades, the altars, the connection with the monarch butterflies...it is all just so beautiful....from time to time i feel the need to make my own version of the Calaveras...and i am feeling the urge to create a few altars...we shall see what comes about....as ever...


http://www.etsy.com/listing/69190777/calavera-sugar-skull-in-pink-green-and