so, it is after midnight.....
this is the only guarenteed time i can work in the studio without interruptions...ever...
you would think i would have this down after a year....but i don't....
sometimes, days...weeks go by, before i get back in here...and it feels like i am constantly pulled in numerous directions...and all i can think is...
didn't i do more than this when i was teaching? and i had a full classroom....
how does that happen?
but, life changes....and in all honesty...bouncing back physically has been difficult...but, it is coming back....strength, that is...which helps all around...
yoga helps...on every level..mentally, spiritually, physically....it makes me a better person...if only in my mind...
i'm tired....but, i don't want to go to sleep....i want to absord every moment of silence i can....every single moment of breathe i can before i am on call again....doing this...doing that...all the while...just wanting a nap...and nice, long...uninterrupted nap....that...never...ever...happens...
i should sleep....i really should...tomorrow will be a very long day...
oh well...
i'm staring at this piece...
i just realized that i didn't attempt to enter any shows this fall...all of the regular ones i have done the last few years...i simply didn't even attempt to enter them....i just didn't have the heart to do them one more time....don't get me wrong...they are wonderful shows...filled with very respected artists...i was fortunate to be included in them...and grateful...
but it is very disheartening....when...that's it....nothing sells...and all any artist wants is to do more...
I did enter a different show...i forgot about it...my work wasn't chosen...for a major project...i really wanted them to pick my work...i admit it...
but, again...with the staring....
this piece is different than things i have done over the last two years...this piece...is really my work...and not just stuff i did to satisfy someone else...i have done that alot...
i have decided that i am just not a commercial artist...i honestly wish i could be...but, i'm not...i was trying to place my artwork in a genre...
and the closest, and most repeated statement over the last 20 years...."surreal"....and...i'm ok with that...
truth is...i don't really keep up with the 'art world'.....
and while i try to see artwork locally...and there is A LOT....i'm not a part of any group or scene ....at all...
to quote Norm from Cheers...." i'm so out of the loop, i don't even know where the on ramp is...."
and that is the truth....and i'm ok with that...
i saw in FB land...there is always the occasional person who says..."stop whining an djust do something!"...so whomever they are shouting at at the time....and i really wanted to apply that to myself....i mean....gawd knows i can't stand whining...i can't listen to it...so, i certainly don't want to be the whiner....( though i know i do my fair share)...
but having said that...i think, it is important for artists to take a step back from their work and really evaluate it on every level....the last few months...my evaluation has led me to understand that i am not happy with my work...because for me..it isn't genuine...i have been producing work for he sake of producing...and that is fine...it gets you to working....and then...there is that moment...when simply producing...isn't enough....anymore...
there is that moment, when pawing around to try and accomplish something...isn't working anymore...and it is time...to move on...to take a new direction... to try a new strategy....
and that is where i am...
a few things i have considered...changing and will most likely...
my work schedule...and by "work' i mean...studio time....
currently i attempt to have a set routine in my morning so that i can get things done here at home...and then, while my daughter sleeps...i try to work in the studio...some days i get to...some days i don't because i have other family obligations to handle as well...i have found that it is becoming increasingly frustrating...that needs to change...there are only so many hours in the day...i need routine, in order to be able to handle the chaos...
paying attention to social media too much...it is a time-suck and i feel like it is eating my soul....i would say i would delete all accounts...but i know that won't happen...right now...thought slowing down on that...may be imminent....
taking care of my health....on all levels...can only contribute to better artwork...
simplifying my life....there are very few things in my life i really care to keep....
family
art
health
that's it....anything that does not contribute to those things...should be cut out....
so, it's almost one....
i'm exhausted from the day
i did manage a little bit of work on the piece...
it has potential...
and i am excited about working on it...
but, now...i must sleep...it's been a very long day...and tomorrow promises to be long as well...with cooler temps on the way...i love cooler temps...
this is the only guarenteed time i can work in the studio without interruptions...ever...
you would think i would have this down after a year....but i don't....
sometimes, days...weeks go by, before i get back in here...and it feels like i am constantly pulled in numerous directions...and all i can think is...
didn't i do more than this when i was teaching? and i had a full classroom....
how does that happen?
but, life changes....and in all honesty...bouncing back physically has been difficult...but, it is coming back....strength, that is...which helps all around...
yoga helps...on every level..mentally, spiritually, physically....it makes me a better person...if only in my mind...
i'm tired....but, i don't want to go to sleep....i want to absord every moment of silence i can....every single moment of breathe i can before i am on call again....doing this...doing that...all the while...just wanting a nap...and nice, long...uninterrupted nap....that...never...ever...happens...
i should sleep....i really should...tomorrow will be a very long day...
oh well...
i'm staring at this piece...
i just realized that i didn't attempt to enter any shows this fall...all of the regular ones i have done the last few years...i simply didn't even attempt to enter them....i just didn't have the heart to do them one more time....don't get me wrong...they are wonderful shows...filled with very respected artists...i was fortunate to be included in them...and grateful...
but it is very disheartening....when...that's it....nothing sells...and all any artist wants is to do more...
I did enter a different show...i forgot about it...my work wasn't chosen...for a major project...i really wanted them to pick my work...i admit it...
but, again...with the staring....
this piece is different than things i have done over the last two years...this piece...is really my work...and not just stuff i did to satisfy someone else...i have done that alot...
i have decided that i am just not a commercial artist...i honestly wish i could be...but, i'm not...i was trying to place my artwork in a genre...
and the closest, and most repeated statement over the last 20 years...."surreal"....and...i'm ok with that...
truth is...i don't really keep up with the 'art world'.....
and while i try to see artwork locally...and there is A LOT....i'm not a part of any group or scene ....at all...
to quote Norm from Cheers...." i'm so out of the loop, i don't even know where the on ramp is...."
and that is the truth....and i'm ok with that...
i saw in FB land...there is always the occasional person who says..."stop whining an djust do something!"...so whomever they are shouting at at the time....and i really wanted to apply that to myself....i mean....gawd knows i can't stand whining...i can't listen to it...so, i certainly don't want to be the whiner....( though i know i do my fair share)...
but having said that...i think, it is important for artists to take a step back from their work and really evaluate it on every level....the last few months...my evaluation has led me to understand that i am not happy with my work...because for me..it isn't genuine...i have been producing work for he sake of producing...and that is fine...it gets you to working....and then...there is that moment...when simply producing...isn't enough....anymore...
there is that moment, when pawing around to try and accomplish something...isn't working anymore...and it is time...to move on...to take a new direction... to try a new strategy....
and that is where i am...
a few things i have considered...changing and will most likely...
my work schedule...and by "work' i mean...studio time....
currently i attempt to have a set routine in my morning so that i can get things done here at home...and then, while my daughter sleeps...i try to work in the studio...some days i get to...some days i don't because i have other family obligations to handle as well...i have found that it is becoming increasingly frustrating...that needs to change...there are only so many hours in the day...i need routine, in order to be able to handle the chaos...
paying attention to social media too much...it is a time-suck and i feel like it is eating my soul....i would say i would delete all accounts...but i know that won't happen...right now...thought slowing down on that...may be imminent....
taking care of my health....on all levels...can only contribute to better artwork...
simplifying my life....there are very few things in my life i really care to keep....
family
art
health
that's it....anything that does not contribute to those things...should be cut out....
so, it's almost one....
i'm exhausted from the day
i did manage a little bit of work on the piece...
it has potential...
and i am excited about working on it...
but, now...i must sleep...it's been a very long day...and tomorrow promises to be long as well...with cooler temps on the way...i love cooler temps...
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