and now there is this....

http://quadluv.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-joined-roller-derby-last-night.html

this is the link to my blog about joining roller derby....

yes....i joined roller derby....

after almost two years of wanting to...i laced up my quads...and then managed to have a panic attack and barely scoot like an old lady with a walker...minus the walker...a walker would have been nice...

let's face it...i suck...

but, i'm ok with that...because i started...i'm practicing on my own...and at derby practice...and if i have to...i'll get get on anxiety meds to make this work...

enjoy

Dennison art walk

making life changes

in the last few months, i have been making some changes....taking a few steps out of my comfort zone....changes that affect me on every level of my spirit....

1. i started taking Yoga teacher certification classes....this was a huge step out of my comfort zone....because i had not taken a class in a few years....and once the decision was made i thought i would start training in january...but within two weeks i was in class and immediately throw into teaching the very pose i had no intention of ever teaching....that first weekend was a huge test of my spirit...i felt like a train wreck....but, it opened my eyes to trusting that things will be ok....i have a tendency to want to control everything in my life...to wanting to make sure everyone around me is taken care of and putting my needs last because i don't want to be the reason that other's may suffer...as in...if there is no money for things other's need because i splurged on myself in any way....and a splurge could be as small as buying a pack of gum...i am learning that...things will be ok....and it is ok that i am allowing myself to study something that i have wanted to study for a very long time...i am still amazed at how everything lined up to allow me to actually do this....it is amazing...

2. I am finally getting to start roller derby....i have investigated this for a while and tried to figure out how on earth i could possibly do this...again, trying to not take away from my family in doing so...and simply was not a possibility....until this week....THIS WEEK....and now, because of changes in the local roller derby having a rec league....i am able to start....i am so scared...and so excited...and humbled....i have already hurt my butt...by trying to practice and landing on a concrete edge....yes...it hurts...a lot....i forced myself to skate three more loops and then i had to go...and ice my butt...something NO ONE should ever have to witness....but that same day i scored a pair of Riedell Carreras for $8.98...which are 130 bucks normally....and have started plans to create and outdoor temporary rink my back yard that can be torn down at any time and easily repaired...i'm using pallets and sheets of masonite or plywood....i still have to gather more stuff...but it will happen...i'm doing this because i need to be able to practice at home....not just in a rink....and not by driving around the world to get to a rink...and i'm not up to falling in front of my neighbors....oh and I AM TERRIFIED to making a fool of myself next week at first practice...but, i'm doing it anyway....

3. i was presented with a massive load of canvases today....a LOAD of canvases....now...i HAVE To paint...or make art...I HAVE TO...the universe is telling me it is imperative...so...I'm going to go ahead....push myself...and move forward....and it scares me to death....to fall on my face...to have a stack of paintings that will just sit in storage because they are crack like a lot of my work in the last few years....but, it's time to move forward...so.... here goes...

i'm doing yoga
i'm doing roller derby
and now....
I'm going to paint...again...

all three make me sick to my stomach...in giddiness...in fear....in complete humiliation...