So, i go through spells...like, i think, a lot of us do....this last year, i can honestly say that as far as doing artwork....it was all for the purpose of trying to sell crap...yeah...i just said, "crap"....
and, let's face it...it hasn't been a real successful....at all...
at.....
all....
in fact, i would say that i can write this whole last year off as a big learning experience....
I have found that:
1. I don't like going to arts and craft fairs as a seller.....
2. I don't like making work just because i think other people might like it....
3. I don't have enough time to be wasting on crap....
so, today, i find myself at a fork in the road....well...actually, i'm past the fork...and i went on that other path....the one where i don't waste my time stressing out on trying to please people that don't buy my stuff anyway...yeah, that one...
because, let's face it...it isn't genuine...it isn't me...
I don't fit into that crowd...
just because i am capable of making stuff like that, doesn't mean i should....
and if it isn't selling...it isn't selling...
so, time to do what i really feel in my heart....
Time to bring out the big guns and do the real work that i have wanted to do for ages...that stuff, that so long ago, was my reason for waking up in the morning and staying up all night to push through and come out with something i didn't think i was capable of....
Time, to get to it....
I have no idea what is ahead, where this path is leading...but what it comes down to is letting go of worry....
realizing that, the reason i have been making the work i have been making is to quiet the reactions of others....
you know OTHERS....
those peaople and voices that make you doubt yourself...
you know...
the ones that put fear in your head and make you feel like you are less than you are...
THOSE others...
And in the end....they may not even realize what they have said that has made you doubt yourself...
So, i'm letting that go....I'm not making commercially appropriate work anymore....
I'm also not going to fall into that dark hole of what i refer to as graphic artist/graffiti artist/pop artist/street artist....that isn't what i do....and from what i can tell, from what i have seen, that is very popular, at least it is what a lot of people are self promoting....and i don't fall into that category either...
my goal and focus is to do artwork that is genuine again... genuine TO ME....which is the point to all of this....
and here is where the realization of duality comes into play....because artisticly i have been very timid....VERY TIMID....
I get that way when i'm just trying to please others.....and i can play that as long as i need to....self denial runs deep in this here soul....
but after a while...i feel like i might suffocate...like now...and i have to get out of my head and be real....and that is the other side....that has moxie and gumption and lack of fear.....that is the side of empowerment....self empowerment...that says..."you're ok"....and goes for it....
And so...here is today's declaration....
I'm going to make Artwork that will be something i can display proudly...and not stuff that i am embarassed that have come to this....because, that's where i am...
i don't really like anything i have done in the last year....that's the truth...
it's just stuff....it's just stuff being made....it isn't my best work...at all...it's is just me spinning my wheels for the sake of spinning...
And that ends today....
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