from time, to time, i find myself at a certain point where i have to take a moment to just "be" and think about what is going on...in my life...in my art...what my expectations and goals are for such...etc...
and since september, i can honestly say, well...honestly, i guess i don't know what has been going on...
but, to say that i have felt "funky" about my artwork is an understatement...this last year i felt like i was spinning my wheels just trying to get by and not actually tapping into my true authentic spirit...i was just trying to do something for the sake of doing something....seriously....and if you think about it...this is the first year i have made ANYTHING for the sake of making something and not because i was having to show someone else how to make something in a class...
i was also spending this year trying to NOT feel guilty about not working...in the public sector that is....this is the first year since my son was 2 that i have not either been in school or taught and been responsible for everything.... it is quite a shift to go from massive overload....to allowing yourself to enjoy the next part....and that is what i am working on right now...
In september, i started a new journey. One that i have longed to travel for years, and am finally able to do so...and it is amazing...i am studying yoga...and it is so much more than i expected...it is making me see my life differently and reevaluate everything i am doing and have done to this point...i am blown away, and mesmerized...daily...
i also started participating in roller derby, i say this loosely because i am actually still learning how to properly skate...i have not particiapted in a bout and will have a great deal of learning to accomplish before that happens, but i am pushing forward, and loving the process...
both of these adventures, are changing my world....and i am letting them...i want them to....
here is where i put out there how overwhelmingly fortunate i am. In that, 1. despite some daily frustrations, which i simply count as normal... i GET to be a Stay-at-home-mom....this, hands down, is why i am not working..and by "wokring" i mean, in the public sector..and daily my daughter teaches me about life and reminds me about what is truly important...and it isn't what most people seem to think...or at least, what the world seems to portray as important.... 2. my husband is a rock star...he has worked so hard to make sure that i get to stay home with our daughter since she was born. His faith and confidence in life and the universe, and in me, is daunting, overwhelming and humbling....and i am so fortunate to be married to such a wonderful man that believes in me...on every level...he believes in me when i just don't believe in myself...3. my son, whose patience and wisdom come at times when i need it the most....how does such a young man have such a large spirit?
I would also like to say "Thank you"... a few of you who read this blog and keep up with me via FB have been so wonderful about sending me information at times when i needed it the most....while i may not have said much at the time, just know that i have read, reread, and watched and rewatched the things you have sent to me....and i am still processing it all...thus, the regrouping...
so, this blog has sort of been an oddity for me for a while....i haven't quite known what i was trying to accomplish with it...but, i do know, that this blog, my artwork, and my life, are going through some major renovations....
just like everyone else, i'm just trying to get through the holidays.....and then we will see what comes....
until then,
Peace, Light, and LOVE....
xoxo
kim
